All posts by Edmund_Blackadder

Blackadder Series 3 Episode 2 – Ink and Incapability Full Script

This is the full script for Blackadder Series 3 Episode 2. The Blackadder episode is called Ink and Incapability, and is centred around the thicky Prince being asked to be a patron to the first ever English dictionary. This gives Blackadder plenty of room to come up with some very memorable quotes!

Blackadder series 3 episode 2 ink and incapability

Blackadder Series 3 Episode 2 – Ink and Incapability Full Script

Cast –

E: Edmund Blackadder
B: Baldrick
G: Prince Regent George
M: Mrs. Miggins
J: Dr. Samuel Johnson
By: Lord George Gordon Byron
C: Samuel Taylor Coleridge
S: Percy Bysshe Shelley read more

Blackadder Series 3 Episode 1 Dish and Dishonesty Full Script

The third series of Blackadder is set in a period of time known as the Regency. Blackadder has been reduced in social status to being the Butler of the Prince Regent. Baldrick is of course at the bottom of the social ladder, being a dogsbody once more. Episode 1 of Blackadder Series 3 is based upon an election in a rotten borough – not a rubber button.

Dish and Dishonesty - Blackadder Series 3 Episode 1

Blackadder Series 3 Episode 1 Dish and Dishonesty Full Script

M: Mrs. Miggins
B: Baldrick
E: Edmund Blackadder
P: Pitt the Younger (and the Even Younger)
I: Ivor Biggun
H: Vincent Hanna
T: Sir Talbot Buxomly
G: Prince George read more

Blackadder Series 2 Episode 6 Chains Full Script

The last episode the Blackadder Series 2 is called ‘Chains’. Edmund is kidnapped, and gets to experience the Spanish Inquisition.

 
Blackadder Series 2 Chains

Blackadder Series 2 Episode 6 Chains Full Script

E: Edmund Blackadder
M: Lord Melchett
Q: Queen Elizabeth I
N: Nursie
B: Baldrick
P: Lord Percy
G(2): German guard(s)
T: Spanish Torturer
L: Prince Ludwig the Indestructible

The Queen’s Chamber

E: Get out! Get out, libidinous swine! And take that horse-slut painted
strumpet with you, where you’ll both rot in the filth of your own
fornication! read more

Blackadder Series 2 Episode 5 Beer Full Script

This is the full script for ‘Beer’, the fifth episode of Blackadder Series 2. Lots of drunken shenanigans ensue, and even the Queen gets drunk. Plenty of Blackadder Quotes to choose from in this episode as well!

Blackadder 2 episode 5 beer full script

Blackadder Series 2 Episode 5 Beer Full Script

[Edmund’s house.  Lords Percy Percy and Edmund Blackadder are
eating breakfast.]

Percy:  I must say, Edmund, it was jolly nice of you to ask me to share your
breakfast before the rigours of the day begin.

Edmund:  Well, it is said, Percy, that civilised man seeks out good and
intelligent company, so that, through learned discourse, he may
rise above the savage and closer to God. read more

Blackadder Series 2 Episode 4 Money Full Script

Here is the full script for Blackadder Series 2 Episode 4, ‘Money’. There are tonnes of great Blackadder quotes in this one, but our favourite has to be ‘The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr. Brain has long since departed!”.
The baby eating bishop of Bath and Wells

Blackadder Series 2 Episode 4 Money Full Script

[In Edmund’s bedroom, Edmund is asleep. Beside his head is a pair
of feet. The owner of the feet is named Mollie.]

[knock at door]

Edmund: Go away.

Baldrick: (standing at open doorway) My Lord, there is someone at the door
to see you. read more

Blackadder Series 2 Episode 3 – Potato Full Script

The third episode of Blackadder Series 2, is called ‘Potato’. Guest starring Tom Baker as Captain Redbeard Rum, it is a source of endless amusement. A quite literally legless Captain, a sea journey, and urine drinking play just a small part in this well written episode of Blackadder.

The full script for Blackadder Series 2 Episode 3 Potato

Blackadder Series 2 Episode 3 – Potato Full Script

[Blackadder’s house. Enter Percy wearing a matching red outfit and hat –
with antlers. The outfit is covered in bells which ring as he walks.
Sounds of a celebration are heard outside]

Percy: Coming? read more

Blackadder Series 2 Episode 2 Head Full Script

The second episode of Blackadder Series 2 is called “Head”. The plot of this episode revolves around Blackadder being appointed the Lord High Executioner and Minister for Religious Genocide. Once more, this funny Blackadder episode brings together contemporary historical themes that people even today can relate to, and some excellent, well formed characters. The full script of Blackadder series 2 episode 2 is below.

Blackadder Series 2 Episode 2 Head - A funny scene from the dungeonBlackadder Series 2 Episode 2 – Head Full Script

SCENE 1 (Home of Edmund Blackadder)
——-
BA: Right Baldrick, let’s try again shall we? This is called adding. If I
have two beans, and then I add two more beans, what do I have?
B: Some beans.
BA: Yes…and no. Let’s try again shall we? I have two beans, then I add two
more beans. What does that make?
B: A very small casserole. read more

Blackadder Series 2 Episode 1 Bells Full Script

Here is the full script for Blackadder Series 2 Episode 1 – Bells. It is in series two, that Blackadder truly develops as a character. To many people, this is the ‘classic’ Blackadder series. ‘Bells’ also marks the first episode that Ben Elton takes a hand in writing, as well as introducing one of the most iconic characters – Lord Flash.

Lord Flash from Blackadder Series 2 Episode 1 - BellsBlackadder Series 2 Episode 1 Bells Full Script

In the house of Kate and her father.

K: Father, I must speak. I can be silent no longer. All day long you
muttered to yourself, gibbered, dribbled, moaned and bat your head
against the wall, yelling “I want to die”. Now you may say I’m
leaping to conclusions but you’re not *completely* happy, are you?
It’s mother, isn’t it?
F: No, it is not.
K: You’re brooding over her death, aren’t you?
F: Kate, for the final time, your mother is not dead. She’s run off
with your uncle Henry.
K: Dear father, I know you only say such things to comfort me.
F: Your mother is alive and well and living in Droitwich. It is not her
I brood over. I’m sad because, my darling, our poverty has now
reached such extremes that I can no longer afford to keep us. I must
look to my own dear tiny darling to sustain me in my frail dotage.
K: But father, surely…
F: Yes Kate, I want you to become a prostitute.
K: Father!
F: Do you defy me?
K: But indeed, I do. For it is better to die poor than to live in shame
and ignominy.
F: No, it isn’t.
K: I’m young and strong and clever. My nose is pretty. I shall find
another way to earn us a living.
F: Oh, please… go on the game. It is a steady job and you’d be
working from home.
K: Goodbye father. I shall go to London, disguise my self as a boy and
seek my fortune!
F: But why go all the way to London when you can make a fortune lying
on your back? read more

Blackadder Series I, Episode 6 – The Black Seal

Blackadder Series I, Episode 6 is called the Black Seal. This is the final episode in the first series of Blackadder. The plot revolves around Blackadder hiring mercenaries so that he can take the throne. With some great characters such as Sir Wilfred Death,  and Three-Fingered Pete, Blackadder manages to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory right at the very end!

the-black-seal

Full Script for Blackadder Series I, Episode 6 – The Black Seal

Intro: Many are the tales told of the Black Adder and of his faithful
henchmen Lord Percy Percy and Baldric son of Robin the Dung-Gatherer, but
none is told so oft, with so much hitting of heads with wonder and
repeating of exciting parts as this the final chapter in the book of The
Black Adder. read more

General Melchett Quotes – The Best of General Melchett

We’ve put together a  collection of the best General Melchett quotes and included a video of his greatest noises at the end. Behhhrr!!
General Melchett wearing a moustache net

General Melchett Quotes

Blackadder Goes Forth combined brilliant writing with superb character acting. Stephen Fry as General Melchett is perhaps the best example of this.  We’ve put together some of our favourite scenes and General Melchett quotes here.

If Nothing Else Works…

General Melchett Blackadder Quotes
One of the great things about Blackadder, is that the quotes can be used in everyday situations. Ever worked for a boss that wants to go ahead with a plan regardless of how crap it is? Any politicians come to mind?! read more