Category Archives: Best Blackadder Quotes

Find all the best Blackadder Quotes online here!

The best Blackadder Quotes online

There is a popular phrase – “A Blackadder Quote a Day keeps the cretins away”. OK, perhaps that is not an official saying, but it should be! Never a day goes by, when I don’t quote Blackadder at least once. And even if I don’t actually quote from the show, I give a ‘BAHHH’ General Melchett style!

If you are looking to find the best Blackadder quotes online, then check out this collection. Blackadder quotes are updated daily, and so you can pick a new one every day of the year!

As well as our Blackadder quotes, you can also find series and episode descriptions, as well as complete scripts for all the shows. It is like Blackadder heaven!

Keep dropping by, and remember to follow us at


Something is always wrong – Blackadder Quote

Something is always wrong Balders. The fact that I am not a millionaire aristocrat with the sexual capacity of a rutting rhino is a constant niggle.

Something is always wrong


This classic Blackadder quote is taken from the third series – Ink and Incapability.

Something is always wrong

One of the main features of the Blackadder character during the third series, was that Blackadder was unhappy with his position in life.

Blackadder pelican quote

Blackadder in the First Series

Some of this is to deliberately highlight the fact that Blackadder is slowly reducing in social status from the first series.  Here, he played the Prince for most of the series, finally being elevated to King on his death bed. read more

It’s part of a cunning plan, sir – Blackadder Goes Forth Quote

Blackadder Goes Forth has some great quotes, including this one below. It’s from the opening scene of Captain Cook, the first episode of Blackadder Goes Forth.

Your brain’s so minute

Water Biscuit Blackadder Quote

Here’s part of the scene on YouTube. you can play it from here 😉

And the text from that scene:
Captain Blackadder: Baldrick, what are you doing out there?
Private Baldrick: I’m carving something on a bullet, sir.
Captain Blackadder: What are you craving?
Private Baldrick: I’m carving “Baldrick”, sir.
Captain Blackadder: Why?
Private Baldrick: It’s part of a cunning plan, sir.
Captain Blackadder: Of course it is.
Private Baldrick: You know how they say that somewhere there’s a bullet with your name on it?
Captain Blackadder: Yes?
Private Baldrick: Well I thought that if I owned the bullet with my name on it, I’ll never get hit by it. Cause I’ll never shoot myself…
Captain Blackadder: Oh, shame!
Private Baldrick: And the chances of there being *two* bullets with my name on it are very small indeed.
Captain Blackadder: Yes, it’s not the only thing that is “very small indeed”. Your brain for example- is brain’s so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn’t be enough to cover a small water biscuit. read more

I have a cunning plan – A History of Cunning Plans in Blackadder

‘I have a cunning plan’ is the most recognised catchphrase from Blackadder. Let’s look at every cunning plan quote from every episode!I have a cunning plan

I have a cunning plan

The words ‘I have a cunning plan’ are perhaps the most recognisable from the Blackadder TV series. How many times were they used though, and who used them the most? Let’s take a look.

Blackadder Pilot Episode

The very first time that the words ‘I have a cunning plan’ were used, was in the unaired pilot episode of Blackadder. It was a great little scene (for anyone fortunate enough to have seen it!).
The Black Adder pilot episode read more

The Blackadder Dictionary – What do pericombobulation and contrafibularities mean?

When Blackadder met Dr. Samuel Johnson in Ink and Incapability, some beautiful un-words were created. Here’s a look at the Blackadder dictionary.

What does the word contrafibularities mean

The Blackadder Dictionary

Have you ever wondered what contrafibularities means? Of course, it is an un-word, a word created for the show. It is also a play-on-words, and is all the more brilliant because you can guess its meaning from how it sounds.

T-Shirt available via Amazon

In Ink and Incapability, a number of these words were created. let’s take a look at what they could mean. read more

Come to Nursie Cow, you lovely little heifers – Blackadder Nursie Quotes

Come to Nursie Cow, you lovely little heifers. Nursie from Blackadder at her finest in Blackadder Chains – the final episode from series 2.

Come to Nursie Cow

Mooo! Come to Nursie cow - Great quote from Blackadder

Nursie from the second series of Blackadder should have had far more many lines than she did. When she did speak though, it was incredible! This is one of our favourites. Check out more Nursie quotes from this Blackadder Chains script.

As my tutor old bubble face used to say: make love and be merry, for tomorrow you may catch some disgusting skin disease

As my tutor old bubble face used to say: make love and be merry, for tomorrow you may catch some disgusting skin disease.

Old Bubble Face

As my tutor old bubble face used to say: make love and be merry, for tomorrow you may catch some disgusting skin disease

This line from Blackadder comes from the first series. You can read the full script for this episode here >> The Queen of Spain’s Beard.

You are without a doubt the most repulsive individual I have ever met

We live in an age where illness and deformity are commonplace and yet, Ploppy, you are without a doubt the most repulsive individual I have ever met.

The Most Repulsive Individual

Funny Blackadder quotes from series 2

This line is from the Blackadder episode ‘Head’ from the second series. To read the full script and get more quotes from Blackadder, take a look here >> Blackadder 2 ‘Head’ full script.