Baldrick Quotes from Blackadder Goes Forth

Private Baldrick may have been the worst cook in the entire world, but he had some great lines in Blackadder Goes Forth. Here’s a look at some of them.

Baldrick and his cunning plans

Private Baldrick is the fourth incarnation of Baldrick in the Blackadder series played by Tony Robinson.

Like his ancestors before him, he likes coming up with cunning plans to help Blackadder out of sticky situations. None of which work particularly well.

Baldrick quotes blackadder goes forth


“Permission to write home immediately sir! This is the first brilliant plan a Baldrick’s ever had. For centuries we’ve tried, and they’ve always turned out total pigswill! My mum will be pleased as Punch.”

As a private in the First World War, Baldrick also represents the honest Tommy, and average everyman who found himself drafted into the trenches.

Oh, and before we go on, his name is spelt Baldrick and not Baldrik!

Baldrick is a great cook

Some of his funniest lines come from cooking, whether it is his recipes or his coffee! Here’s a look at his typical menu!

  • Rat au Van (a rat that’s been run over by a van – He would probably have written it Ratovan!),
  • Filet mignon in Sauce Bearnaise (dog turds covered in glue),
  • Plum duff (a mole hill decorated in rabbit droppings),
  • Cream custard (cat’s vomit),
  • Coffee (hot mud), with milk (spit), sugar (dandruff) and rather dubious ‘chocolate sprinkles’ (try and guess what that one is) .
  • Apple crumble which contains fish
  • More rat; sautée, which involves:
    taking the freshly shaved rat and marinading it in a puddle (When Blackadder asks how long it should be ‘marinated’ for, the reply is ’till it’s drowned’)
    stretching it out under a hot lightbulb
    getting within dashing distance of a latrine
    scoffing it right down!
  • Rat fricassée, which is the same as above, but a slightly bigger rat.

Blackadder Baldrick is also a great poet

‘The German Guns’. 

Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom,
Boom, Boom, Boom,
Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom,
Boom, Boom, Boom

Baldrick’ Best Quotes

Here’s a look at some of Baldrick’s funniest quotes.

Yeah, you told me to paint whatever comes from within, so
I did my breakfast. Look, there’s a little tomato.

We didn’t receive any messages and Captain Blackadder definitely did not shoot the delicious plump breasted pigeon, sir.

Oh no, sir, that’s gobbleijuke!

And we always wondered what his final cunning plan might be.

Cunning plan quote from the last episode of Blackadder

Fun fact – Did you know that there were ideas for a fifth Blackadder series that featured the main cast as a band? Baldrick’s name would have been Bald Rick. We’d love to have seen that!

Baldrick Black Adder

What is your favourite Baldrick quote from Blackadder Goes Forth? Let us know by leaving a comment!

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