Blackadder – If you want something quotes

We all know the most famous catchphrase from Blackadder is ‘I have a cunning plan‘. Did you know the second most used one is ‘If you want something’? Here’s a collection of if you want something quotes from Blackadder.

Blackadder: If you want something

You can find quotes and phrases beginning with if you want something in numerous Blackadder episodes. Here’s a look at what we found:

Blackadder ‘Head’

The phrase first gets used in Blackadder series 2 episode 2 ‘Head’. Blackadder is speaking to Ploppy about Lord Farrow.

If you want something

MRP: I have located my nagging doubt. It’s a small point, but I do now recall that Lord Farrow was considerably taller, more than a yard taller, than young Ploppy here.
BA: If you want something done properly you’ve got to do it yourself,
haven’t you? Anything else I should know?
MRP: Oh yes, he had a very deep voice, big deep booming voice.
BA: So quite like mine then?
MRP: No, my lord, a big deep booming voice.

This scene then follows:


Blackadder ‘Dish and Dishonesty’

In Blackadder series 3 ‘Dish and Dishonesty’, the phrase gets used once again. This is a firm fan favourite!

If you want something done properly, kill Baldrick before you start | Blackadder Quotes

Blackadder ‘Private Plane’

Perhaps the most famous use of the phrase though, is my our very own Lord Flashheart himself in Private Plane. Woof!


Flashheart: All right, Slacky! All right, Slacky! I’ve got to fly.
Two million chicks, only one Flashheart. And remember, if
you want something, take it. Bobby!

Bobby: My Lord!

Flashheart: I want something!

Bobby: Take it!

Flasheart: Woof!

Blackadder Christmas Carol

Finally, we have a scene from Blackadder’s Christmas Carol when Blackadder finally turns bad.

Ebeneezer: However, if you want something for lunch, take this. It’s a pound a lump, and, as luck would have it, there are seventeen lumps left. [takes his seventeen pounds back from her basket] Thank you.
Scratchit: But what about my Tiny Tom?
Ebeneezer: If I was you, I’d scoop him out and use him as a houseboat. Good day.