Turnips are a recurring theme in Blackadder, probably because they are the same shape as a thingey. Here’s the best Baldrick turnip quotes from the first two series of Blackadder.
The Best Turnip Quotes from Blackadder
Have you ever dreamed of a great big turnip in the country?
Let’s check out the Blackadder turnip quotes through the first two series.
We’ll do the last series next week!
Blackadder Series 1 Turnips
The word turnip first gets mentioned in the very first episode, of Blackadder in the first series – The Foretelling when the new King Richard gives a speech.
King (previously `Richard’): This day has been as ’twere
A mighty stew
In which the beef of victory
With the vile turnip
Of sweet Richard slain
And the grisly dumpling
Of his killer fled.
But we must eat
The yellow wobbly parts
[?] two [?] serves.
In life, each man gets
What he deserves!
Blackadder Series 2 Turnips – Beer
Perhaps the most famous episode for Blackadder turnip quotes, is from the second series.
Beer sees Edmund put in an awkward situation, where he needs to drink some incredibly strong ale, whilst pretending to be sober for his relatives.
A number of turnip quotes appear in this episode.
Baldrick: In that case, I shall prepare my Turnip Surprise.
Edmund: and the surprise is…?
Baldrick: …there’s nothing else in it except the turnip.
Edmund: So, in other words, the Turnip Surprise would be…a turnip.
He obviously knew that turnips had a number of health benefits!
The Thingey scene
Edmund: Secondly, Percy will join me in here for the gourmet turnip eating. Is the Turnip Surprise ready?
[Baldrick and Percy begin giggling.]
Baldrick: Yes, it is, My Lord.
Edmund: Then what is so funny?
Percy: Well, My Lord, while Baldrick and I were preparing the Turnip Surprise, we had a surprise —
we came across a turnip that was exactly the same shape…as a thingy!
[Percy and Baldrick laugh.]
Edmund: [not amused] …a thingy…
Baldrick: …a great big thingy! It was terrific.
Edmund: Size is no guarantee of quality, Baldrick. Most horses are very well endowed, but that does not necessarily make them sensitive lovers. I trust you have removed this hilarious item…?
Baldrick: Oh, yes, yes, My Lord.
Edmund: Good, because there’s nothing more likely to stop an inheritance than a thingy-shaped turnip.
Percy: Absolutely, Edmund. …but it was jolly funny! [laughs more]
Edmund: Yes, yes, yes…
Baldrick: I found it particularly ironic, My Lord, because I’ve got
a thingy that’s shaped like a turnip!
Talking with his Uncle and Aunt about the turnip
Aunt: [slaps him twice] Wicked child!!! Mashing is also the work of
Beelzebub — for Satan saw God’s blessed turnip, and he envied it
and mashed it to spoil its sacred shape.
Aunt: I shall have my turnip as God intended. [sits]
Edmund: Fine. [calls] Baldrick!
Baldrick: My Lord…?
Edmund: Will you fetch my dear aunt a raw turnip, please?
Baldrick: Well, we’ve only got the one that–
Edmund: [Interrupts, wanting to show authority in front of his servant to Aunt and Uncle] Just do it, thank you.
Edmund: [to Uncle] So, Uncle, will you have your turnip mashed, or as God intended?
Your Turnip My Lady
And the bit you’ve been waiting for! Let’s take a look at the colossal drunken roar as well…
[Baldrick enters, carrying a plate on which sits the thingy-shaped
Edmund: Now then, what was I saying? [sees the turnip and speaks without a pause] Oh my god…
Baldrick: [to Aunt] Your turnip, My Lady…
Aunt: [picks up the turnip, holds it in front of her, her eyes wide]
Very good! Very good! [bites into it, then points it at Uncle,
and speaks to him] You know, Nathaniel, it takes me right back
to our wedding night.
[Uncle’s eyes open wide, in surprise. Baldrick has left.]
Aunt: [to Edmund] We had raw turnips that night.
Uncle: Oh, and, by the way, I loved the turnip — very funny!
>Exactly< the same shape…as a thingy! [leaves]
More Blackadder Quotes
Before you go, check out these other collections of the best quotes from Blackadder: