Queenie Quotes From Blackadder – The Best Blackadder Quotes

Queenie quotes from Blackadder

Queenie, played by Miranda Richardson, was an amazing character who often stole the show throughout series 2 of Blackadder. It’s not surprising then that some of the best Blackadder quotes can be attributed to her!  Here are some of our favourite Queenie quotes.

Blackadder Quotes - One of the best Queenie quotes from Blackadder series 2

 Queenie Quotes from Blackadder

Queenie was a main character in the second Blackadder series.

Brilliantly played by Miranda Richardson, she exuded a child-like exterior, whilst have the personality of a manic psychopath at times!

After all, she may have had the body of a weak and feeble woman, but she had the heart and stomach of a concrete elephant!

I may have the body of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a concrete elephant! Blackadder Queen Elisabeth Quote

Let’s take a look at the best Queenie quotes.

Queen Elizabeth Blackadder Chains

Blackadder find himself captured, leaving Percy to spend more time at the Royal Court.

Queen from Blackadder best quotes

This one is from Blackadder Chains. What’s Percy’s answer?

Percy from Blackadder

And another scene from Chains…

Queenie writes back, saying that she has spent the ransom cash.

The Queen from Blackadder series 2

A comment that might have gone unnoticed in Beer

It all started last night at about two o’clock.  I was tucked
into bed having this absolutely scrummy dream about ponies when I was wakened by a terrific banging from Lord Melchett.

And another from Beer

Queen: Oh, Edmund… I do love it when you get cross. Sometimes I think about having you executed just to see the expression on your face.

Blackadder Queenie quotes

And some more…

Gooey Queen Elisabeth Blackadder quote


And finally, Queenie’s love poetry…

Queenie quotes from Blackadder

For more Queenie quotes and Blackadder quotes here at www.blackadderquotes.com,  bookmark us and return!

You can also like our facebook page – Blackadder Quotes On Facebook, where we post two or three Blackadder quotes a day!

Buy the entire second series of Blackadder from Amazon today! – Blackadder 2 – The Entire Second Series [1986] [DVD]

Love Queenie? Check out some of these great Blackadder and Game of Thrones mashups for more!

Which one of these quotes was your favourite? Leave a comment below!

It’s part of a cunning plan, sir – Opening Scene from Blackadder Goes Forth

Water Biscuit Blackadder Quote

Blackadder Goes Forth has some great quotes, right from the very first scene of episode 1. Here’s a look at  Captain Cook, the first episode of Blackadder Goes Forth.

Your brain’s so minute

Water Biscuit Blackadder Quote

Here’s part of the scene on YouTube. you can play it from here 😉

It’s part of a cunning plan

And the text from that scene:

Captain Blackadder: Baldrick, what are you doing out there?

Private Baldrick: I’m carving something on a bullet, sir.

Captain Blackadder: What are you craving?

Private Baldrick: I’m carving “Baldrick”, sir.

Captain Blackadder: Why?

Private Baldrick: It’s part of a cunning plan, sir.

Captain Blackadder: Of course it is.

Private Baldrick: You know how they say that somewhere there’s a bullet with your name on it?

Captain Blackadder: Yes?

Private Baldrick: Well I thought that if I owned the bullet with my name on it, I’ll never get hit by it. Cause I’ll never shoot myself…

Captain Blackadder: Oh, shame!

Private Baldrick: And the chances of there being *two* bullets with my name on it are very small indeed.

Captain Blackadder: Yes, it’s not the only thing that is “very small indeed”. Your brain for example- is brain’s so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn’t be enough to cover a small water biscuit.


Take a look here for more great quotes from Blackadder Goes Forth. If you liked this one, please leave a comment below!

More Blackadder Quotes and Scenes

Before you go, why not check out these other Blackadder scenes and quotes:

Blackadder’s Best Insults – Blackadder put-downs throughout the ages

Blackadder's best insults - the top 25 best Blackadder insults

Let’s take a like at some of Blackadder’s best insults, snide remarks, and put-downs throughout the ages. Do you remember them all?
Blackadder's best insults - the top 25 best Blackadder insults

Blackadder’s Best Insults

The Blackadder dynasty lasted for hundreds of years, and during that time, the sarcasm gene was sharply refined. Here are some of Blackadder’s best insults from series 1 all the way through to the Blackadder specials.

1. ‘Baldrick, does it have to be this way? Our valued friendship ending with me cutting you up into strips and telling the prince that you walked over a very sharp cattle grid in an extremely heavy hat?’
Blackadder Series 3 Episode 6 Duel and Duality

2. ‘Your brain for example- is so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn’t be enough to cover a small water biscuit.’
Blackadder Series 4 Episode 1 Captain Cook

Water Biscuit Blackadder Quote

3. ‘To you, Baldrick, the Rennaissance was just something that happened to other people, wasn’t it?’
Blackadder Series 2 Episode 2 Head

4. ‘The girl is wetter than a haddock’s bathing costume.’
Blackadder Series 3 Episode 5 – Amy and Amiability

5. ‘Unfortunately most of the infantry think you’re a prat. Ask them who they’d rather meet, Squadron Commander Flashheart or the man who cleans out the public toilets in Aberdeen, and they’d go for Wee Jock Poo-Pong McPlop every time.’
Blackadder Series 4 Episode 4 Private Plane

The Wee Jock Poo-Pong McPlop Scene

6. (Blackadder is asked if he thinks Dr Johnson is a genius)
‘No sir, I do not. Unless, of course, the definition of ‘genius’ in his ridiculous Dictionary is “a fat dullard or wobblebottom; a pompous ass with sweatly dewflaps”.’
Blackadder Series 3 Episode 2 – Ink and Incapability Full

Fat dullard or wobblebottom - Blackadder's best insults

7. ‘There hasn’t been a war run this badly since Olaf the hairy, King of all the Vikings, ordered 80,000 battle helmets with the horns on the inside.’
Blackadder Series 4 Episode 3 Major Star Full

Olaf the Hairy - One of Blackadder's best insults

8. (In a telegram to Charlie Chaplin)
‘Congrats. Stop. Have discovered only person in world less funny than you. Stop. Name – Baldrick. Stop. PS. Please, please, please – stop.’
Blackadder Series 4 Episode 3 Major Star Full

9. ‘Baldrick, you wouldn’t recognise a subtle plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on a harpsicord singing “subtle plans are here again”.’
Blackadder’s Christmas Carol

10. ‘Baldrick, in the Amazonian rain forests there are tribes of Indians as yet untouched by civilisation who have developed more convincing Charlie Chaplin impressions than yours.’
Blackadder Series 4 Episode 3 Major Star Full

Baldrick’s Charlie Chaplin Impression

11. ‘I lost closer friends than “darling Georgie” the last time I was deloused.’
Blackadder Series 4 Episode 5 General Hospital

12. ‘You’re the worst cook in the entire world. There are amoeba on Saturn who can boil a better egg than you.’
Blackadder Series 4 Episode 1 Captain Cook

13. ‘Baldrick may look like a monkey who’s been put in a suit and strategically shaved…’
Blackadder Series 3 Episode 1 Dish and Dishonesty

14. ‘The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn’t he, Perce?’

15. ‘He’s mad…. he’s mad! He’s madder than Mad Jack McMad, the winner of last year’s Mr Madman competition.’

Mad Jack McMad

16. ‘Percy, far from being a fit consort for a Prince of the Realm, you would bore the leggings off a village idiot. You ride a horse rather less well than another horse would. Your brain would make a grain of sand look large and ungainly and the part of you that can’t be mentioned, I am reliably informed by women around the court, wouldn’t be worth mentioning even if it could be. If you put on a floppy hat and a funny codpiece, you might just get by as a fool, but since you wouldn’t know a joke if it got up and gave you a haircut, I doubt it.’

17. ‘You look like a bird who swallowed a plate.’

18. Blackadder: ‘Baldrick, I would like to say how much I will miss your honest, friendly companionship.’
Baldrick: ‘Thank you, Mr B.’

Blackadder: ‘But, as we both know, it would be an utter lie. I will therefore confine myself to saying simply, “Sod off and if I ever meet you again, it will be twenty billion years too soon.”‘

19. ‘Mr Hopelessly-Drivelly-Can’t-Write-For-Toffee-Crappy-Butler-Weed!’

20. ‘Baldrick, your head is as empty as a eunuch’s underpants.’

Your head is as empty as a Eunuch's underpants - Blackadder insults

21. ‘It’s so dirty, it would be unacceptable to a dung beetle who had lost interest in its career and really let itself go.’

22. Blackadder: ‘Right Baldrick, let’s try again shall we? This is called adding. If I have two beans, and then I add two more beans, what do I have?’
Baldrick: ‘Some beans.’
Blackadder: ‘Yes…and no. Let’s try again shall we? I have two beans, then I add two more beans. What does that make?’
Baldrick: ‘A very small casserole.’
Blackadder: ‘Baldrick, the ape creatures of the Indus have mastered this. Now try again…’

Advanced Mathematics With Baldrick – Some Beans

23. ‘We’ve been sitting here since Christmas 1914, during which time millions of men have died, and we’ve advanced no further than an asthmatic ant with some heavy shopping.’

Blackadder Quotes from the fourth series. Blackadder Goes Forth.

24. ‘Now, the sort of person we’re looking for is an aggressive lout with the intelligence of a four-year-old and the sexual sophistication of a donkey.’

25. ‘Your family’s history in the department of cunning planning is about as impressive as Stumpy O’Leg McNolegs’ personal best in the Market Harborough marathon.’

Related: Baldrick Quotes

You Are The Last In God’s Great Chain – Blackadder Quote

You are the last in God's great chain - Blackadder quote.

Poor Baldrick. He always was the last in God’s great chain! He never did find the earwig to victimise either.

You Are The Last In God’s Great Chain

It is the way of the world, Baldrick — the abused always kick downwards. I am annoyed, and so I kick the cat… the cat pounces on the mouse, and, finally the mouse – bites you on the behind.



This Blackadder quote is taken from Series 3. The episode is called Nob and Nobility, and Blackadder somehow finds himself caught up in the French Revolution!

Related: Baldrick Quotes

I have a cunning plan – A History of Cunning Plans in Blackadder

I have a cunning plan

‘I have a cunning plan’ is the most recognised catchphrase from Blackadder. Let’s look at every cunning plan quote from every episode!

I have a cunning plan

The words ‘I have a cunning plan’ are perhaps the most recognisable from the Blackadder TV series. How many times were they used though, and who used them the most? Let’s take a look.

Blackadder Pilot Episode

The very first time that the words ‘I have a cunning plan’ were used, was in the unaired pilot episode of Blackadder. It was a great little scene (for anyone fortunate enough to have seen it!).
The Black Adder pilot episode

Blackadder Series 1 Cunning Plans

Moving on to the first series of Blackadder, we start to see the word ‘cunning’ introduced in the very first episode.

The Foretelling

Edmund:  Those flags, Percy, are obviously just a cunning trick to deceive us into staying!

Baldrick:  No, My Lord, I don’t think it is a cunning trick.

Edmund:  Well, no, it’s not a particularly cunning trick, because we’ve seen through it!  But obviously they thought it was cunning when they thought it out.

Whist this didn’t use the phrase ‘cunning plan’, we can see that it is well on its way!

Moving on to the second episode of Blackadder series 1, the ‘I have a cunning plan’ phrase from the pilot episode is revived.

Baldrick Cunning Plan

Born to be King

Born to be King Blackadder

Edmund: Ah, yes — a drawback. Yes… Perhaps we need something a little more cunning.

Baldrick: I have a cunning plan.

Edmund: Yes, perhaps, but I think I may have a more cunning one.

Baldrick: Well, mine’s pretty cunning, My Lord.

Edmund: Yes, but not cunning enough, I imagine.

Baldrick: Well, that depends how cunning you mean, My Lord.

Edmund: Well, pretty damn cunning. How cunning do you think I mean?

Baldrick: Well, mine’s quite cunning, My Lord.

Edmund: (fed up) Alright, then, let’s hear it! Let’s hear what’s so damn cunning!

Baldrick: Right, well, first of all, you get him to come with you–

Edmund: Oh yes, very cunning. Brilliantly cunning. I ask
him to come with me and then…then stab him, perhaps. How cunning can you get?

This is the cunning bit…

In the Queen of Spain’s beard,  episode 4 of the first series, the word cunning is used again.

Queen of Spains Beard

Edmund: Oh, please, please tell me what your plan is, please tell me, please tell me.

Percy:  All right: I go along to the Infanta’s room and tell her that you’ve gone mad. She comes to the door, and you meet her disguised as a little pig. Then — and this is the cunning
bit — instead of saying `oink oink’, you say `mooooo’!

A cunning plan that can not fail…

In the Witchsmeller Pursuivant BlackAdder Series I, Episode 5, we get to hear about a cunning plan 3 times.

Edmund: Oh no, I’m doomed!

Baldrick: Wait a moment, My Lord! I have a cunning plan that cannot fail!

Edmund: Oh! What is it?

Edmund: Brilliant! (laughs, shakes Baldrick’s hand) Well done, Baldrick! Very cunning! You may capture the eagle, but you cannot clip its wings!

This one is our favourite though:

Baldrick: My Lord, I have a cunning plan.

Edmund: Oh, Baldrick! I think I might be able to stall him.

Cunning in its simplicity

In the final episode of the first series, The Black Seal, we get some final use of the phrase as Blackadder becomes King (briefly!).

EBA: Very well, the plan is simple.

WD I thought it was cunning.

ALL: Down with the plan.

EBA: Well….. it’s cunning in its simplicity. Tonight, I ride for home…

Blackadder Series 2 Cunning Plans

Moving on to the second series of Blackadder, which is where Ben Elton took on the co-writing. In the very first episode, the phrase was used again, but not by one of the main characters. Instead, it was used by the Wise Woman.

W: Very well then. Three other paths are open to you. Three cunning plans to cure thy ailment.

After this, although the word ‘cunning’ was used in various episodes of the second series, the actual phrase ‘I have a cunning plan’ was not used again until the third series.

Blackadder Series 3 Cunning Plans

By the third series of Blackadder, the writers had clearly paid attention to which catchphrases people used in everyday conversations.  The theme of a cunning plan really started to take off!

Dish and Dishonesty

I’ve got a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel.
A plan so cunning

Ink and Incapability

I have a cunning plan, sir.

Nob and Nobility

I’m I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words “I have a cunning plan” marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?
I have a cunning plan quote from Blackadder

Amy and Amiability

B: Don’t worry Mr B., I have a cunning plan to solve the problem.

E: Yes Baldrick, let us not forget that you tried to solve the problem of your mother’s low ceiling by cutting off her head.

Duel and Duality

Well, Your Majesty, I have a cunning plan which could get you out of this problem.

Really. Just tell him to meet me here at 5 o’clock, will you? To
discuss an extremely cunning plan. If all goes well by tomorrow the clan of McAdder will be marching back the high road back to glory.

So tell me cousin, I hear you have a cunning plan.

Blackadder Series 4 Cunning Plans

The final series of Blackadder is some of the funniest and well written comedy to ever come out of the UK.

Most people think of Baldrick cunning plan quotes from series 4.

It goes without saying that the phrase ‘I have a cunning plan’ was used multiple times! Here’s some of the best, including Baldrick quotes about cunning plans.

Captain Cook

Baldrick: I’m carving “Baldrick”, sir.

Blackadder: Why?

Baldrick: It’s a cunning plan actually.

Blackadder: Of course it is.

Baldrick: Permission to speak sir.

Blackadder: Granted, with a due sense of exhaustion and dread.

Baldrick: I have a cunning plan to get us out of getting killed sir.

Blackadder: Ah yes, what is it?

Baldrick: Cooking.

Corporal Punishment

Do not despair, sir. All my talk of food was just a dead herring. In fact, I have a cunning plan. This is not food, but an escape kit.

Major Star

Not any-more sir. May I present my cunning plan.

General Hospital

I, too, have a cunning plan to catch the spy, sir.


This episode includes the very famous Baldrick cunning fox quote from Blackadder!

Baldrick: Well, I have a cunning plan, sir.

Edmund: All right, Baldrick — for old time’s sake.

Baldrick: I have a plan, sir.

Edmund: Really, Baldrick? A cunning and subtle one?

Baldrick: Yes, sir.

Edmund: As cunning as a fox who’s just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University?

Baldrick: Yes, sir.

Voice: On the signal, company will advance!

Edmund: Well, I’m afraid it’ll have to wait. Whatever it was, I’m sure it was better than my plan to get out of this by pretending to be mad. I mean, who would have noticed another madman round here?
Cunning plan quote from the last episode of Blackadder

Blackadder Cunning Plan Quotes

If you enjoyed this history of cunning plans, be sure to add it to your Pinterest board if you have one!

Blackadder Cunning Plan Quotes - A collection of I have a cunning plan quotes throughout the ages

The 10 Best Blackadder Episodes | Blackadder Quotes

The best Blackadder Episodes

Blackadder has given us some of the very greatest moments in British Comedy, and so choosing the best Blackadder episodes is no easy task. This is what we have come up with.

A look at the top 10 best Blackadder episodes

The Best Blackadder Episodes

We’ve put together 10 of the very best Blackadder episodes, along with our favourite scenes from each.

These are in no particular order, although in our opinion, the final episode of Blackadder Goes Forth is the very pinnacle of both British Comedy and British drama.

1. Witchsmeller Pursuivant

Most people agree that the first series of Blackadder was certainly nowhere near the best!

It did have its moments though, and the fifth episode was probably the best.

Starring Frank Finlay as the Witchsmeller Pursuivant himself, Prince Edmund or the Great Grumbledook as he is accused, is put on trial.

Interesting note – This episode is one of the first times that Baldrick uses the words ‘I have a cunning plan‘.

2. Bells

The first episode of the second series of Blackadder stands out for two reasons.

The first, is that you can tell almost immediately that the writing has stepped up several notches in terms of quality.

The second, is that Rik Mayall turns up in a cameo role as Lord Flashheart. All we have to say is Woof!

Blackadder Quotes Lord Flashheart Woof

3. Potato

Potato from the second series is another one that ranks highly among the best episodes of Blackadder.

This episode is notable for Tom Baker’s magnificent performance as Captain Redbeard Rum.


At the time, Tom Baker was dismayed at his performance, but we hope he’s changed his mind since then.

You have a woman's purse my lord!

4. Beer

Beer is another great episode from the second series of Blackadder.

It again features some great cameo appearances, but in all honesty, it’s the comedy breasts that make this for us along with the turnip shaped like a thingy!

a turnip

5. Dish and Dishonesty

The genius thing about the first episode of the third series of Blackadder, is that the quotes can still be used for every election that crops up!

In fact, in recent years, the electoral candidates in Blackadder seem slighter more realistic than the current batch of politicians we all seem lumbered with.

6. Ink and Incapability

Dr. Johnson, a dictionary, and a large orangey thing under the mantelpiece. What could possible go wrong?

In this choice of one of the best Blackadder episodes, we are introduced to some novel new words. We’ll be back interfrastically.

Pericombobulations from Blackadder

7. Duel and Duality

The final episode in the third series of Blackadder sees a guest appearance by Stephen Fry as the Duke of Wellington.

This was almost certainly a pre-runner to the famous General Melchett character in the fourth series.

Remember, there’s only one way to win a campaign – Shout, Shout, and Shout Again!!

Wellington ask for tea

8. Private Plane

Whilst we rather liked the sound of the Women’s Auxiliary Balloon Corp, Blackadder did sign up for the 20 minuters in Private Plane.

One of the best Blackadder episodes for many reasons, not least because Rik Mayall again came in to steal the show!

Blackadder Quotes - One of the best Lord Flashheart Quotes from Blackadder Series 4

9. General Hospital

Miranda Richardson took on a cameo role in this episode, where Blackadder was given the mission to find a German spy.

There’s so many quotes here we don’t know where to begin, but the Pooh Pooh scene still has us in stitches to this day!

Never ignore a pooh-pooh. Blackadder quote from series 4

10. Goodbyeee

What can we say about the final episode of Blackadder that hasn’t been said before?

Funny, moving, emotional, sad, brilliant.

Even all these years later, it never fails to move anyone watching it. In our opinion, easily the best Blackadder episode ever made.

More Blackadder

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